13 things not to say to your bridesmaids

The Smurf is getting married next year! In 10.5 months, to be exact. So over the past year or so (since the engagement), I have been slightly obsessed with everything wedding-related.

I came across this article on The Knot, written by Hallie Goodman, that I thought I'd share for my fellow brides-to-be...

13 Things Not to Say to Your Bridesmaids

The worst things real brides say and how to keep them from coming out of your mouth

1. I'm thinking weekend in Vegas for my bachelorette!


2. My wedding, my wedding, my wedding. How are y-- wait, that reminds me of another thing... about my wedding.


3. Surprise! I just picked out your (crazy-expensive) bridesmaid dress. Now all you have to do is pay for it.


4. Make sure you don't look too good. I don't want you upstaging me.


5. Let's all get tans/Botox/personal trainers before the wedding.


6. Can you have your hair and makeup professionally done on my big day, and (cough) foot the bill?


7. I need you to cover up your tattoo for the wedding, Mkay?


8. Here's my wedding guest list of 100+; please invite them all to the shower you throw me.


9. Next six Saturdays: wedding factory at my place. Mandatory attendance. BT-dubs.


10. I know you're a double D, but I'm loving this sheer, backless bridesmaid dress.


11. Only married couples can bring dates to the reception. My apologies to your boyfriend.


12. I'm really disappointed in how (insert maid's name here) has been performing.


13. It's MY day!

For the full article, go here. You'll have to register to get all the deets, but it's free and then you can benefit from everything The Knot offers!

$99 reality check...

So per my previous post below, I decided to try out Herbal Magic with the help of my $99 Wag Jag coupon. I finally had my first consultation last Thursday where I was introduced to the full program and to my four-week program. I was given a seven-day meal plan that I am to follow religiously, as it is a 'vital part of the program' I'm told. I got the pills, a fancy key chain with my very own personal barcode that I am to scan when I come in for my weigh-ins (three time a week!). Oh, and I have to start a food journal.

I also had the pleasure of being weighed and having my body fat percentage calculated. Super. So my goal was to lose about 40 lbs... which, to be honest, I though may be much for my height. Clearly, I was wrong.

After I got measured, it turned out I shrunk! I was once told I was 5'11 and 3/4, but last Thursday I came in at 5'10.5! So back to this 40 lbs... My new 'coach' reviewed the questionnaire I filled out, consulted some charts, measured by wrist to check the size of my frame (which turned out to be small), and bumped me to 48 lbs!!! Eeeeee....

Then while standing on the scale, I had to put my palms on the metal handprints on the scale to measure my body fat percentage... This machine then sends an electric current though my body and depending how long it takes for it to go through my body, that determines the percentage... I rang in at 34.3%. Fuuuuuuuuck...

The pills are supposed to help break down my body fat and apparently I'm supposed to see results relatively quick. So we'll see... I haven't started the diet yet, I will start tomorrow after I stock up on these damn fruits and vegetables. Right now, I'll just focus on finishing my punch bowl-sized glass of red wine...

(Herbal) Magic to my ears...

Attempt at weightloss # 46652893023...

I'm sure you're all very familiar with Wag Jag - an online resource that offers deals on restaurants, events, accessories, etc. Today, there was an offer for Herbal Magic. Now that's something I haven't tried before...

The offer seemed too good to pass up. For only $99, you purchase a Herbal Magic Success Kit worth $450. The kit includes two bottles of CLA (conjugated linoleic acid that decreases both body fat and inches, mainly in the ab area), one bottle of Lean Extreme, a box of Snacker's Choice bars, four weeks of unlimited personal coaching sessions, a meal plan with nutritional analysis and a $200 gift certificate towards a full-priced 52-week program. Helloooooo... you'd be crazy not to give it a try.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what to expect. I have heard good things about them though.

Stay tuned for updates!

small glitch in the 'motivation' system...

I am a VERY motivated person. This is especially true when it comes to fitness and you will see why shortly. When I get an idea in my head it needs to happen asap; ideally five minutes ago. I often set goals for myself regarding losing weight, getting in shape, eating well, etc. This usually happens every Monday of the week, first of the month and ESPECIALLY on January 1 of each year.

As soon as I have set these goals, the process begins...

• I get a gym membership - nothing is more motivating than having a barcode tag on your keychain with a popular gym name on the other side. It screams 'you're in shape' and that 'you take care of yourself.' You make fitness a priority and take your goals seriously... right?


• I purchase new workout clothes - as a serious fitness devotee, one must exhibit their athletic intentions as part of their 'gym style'


• New athletic footwear is a must - I recently dropped some dollars on the new(ish) Reebok EasyTone shoes that promise to shape your entire bottom half as you run your errands during the day. They are said to simulate walking (or running) on sand... or something like that.


• I subscribe to fitness magazines - ok, I don't subscribe to ALL of them... I presently only have a subscription to Women's Health Magazine (and a few other ones, but they're not related). Then I make a trip to Shoppers Drug Mart and buy all the other ones.


• I collect magazine cutouts - of various workouts, meal plans, fit people (for motivation)

Then, as someone who has a gym membership, workout clothes, is well-educated on everything from proper lunge form to how many servings of vegetables you should have in a day, I should automatically BE in great shape... right? Without actually having to GO to the gym, USE the workout clothes and put in the slightest amount of effort.

After all the shopping, reading, and magazing cutting, I am way too tired to go to the gym. Then I put on more weight and my new workout clothes no longer fit. Thank God feet don't grow from from weight gain - at least not much - so I don't have to buy new shoes on a regular basis.

Then the cycle begins all over again the following Monday, first of the month or each January...

Independence is so fattening

Last month we celebrated our two year anniversary of living in our house. Just him and I... and our dog. Along with two happy years of homeownership, I celebrated the adult version of the Freshman 15... err, Freshman 30. Would that be the Staleman 30?

Your own home. You do as you please. Decorate as you like. No rules, no boundaries. Possible rebellion. Full time work and no longer coming home to delicious dinners made from scratch by mom. Being a 'big girl' actually results in becoming, well... a Big Girl.

Having a full time job in a semi stressfull industry of public relations, I tend to come home around 7 p.m. or so. At this point cooking dinner with all the food groups that is easy on the carbs and full of "steamed veggies and fish" isn't always the first thing that comes to my mind. What DOES sound glorious is a glass of wine (or a beer, I'm not picky), a quick bite to eat that is usually microwave-ready OR can be ordered and delivered, the couch and catching up on the latest gossip or endulging in some serious reality TV. There is no one there to say anything, to suggest that maybe instead of the vino, I should opt for some H20 and carrot sticks. Maybe at least have a fruit and oatmeal smoothie...

No way Jose.

And you would be surprised how many excuses actually exist to get out of working out! Now it's not as if I need to haul ass to a gym... no, no. The basement is fully sufficient. It has:

• skipping rope
• free weights (2.5 lbs, 5 lbs and 10 lbs.)
• treadmill
• boom box (umm, do we still call these 'boom boxes'?)
• I also own an exercise ball, but I believe I have misplaced it

So realistically, there shouldn't be an excuse.

I've been looking for a one piece swimsuit so that I can start swimming as part of my New Workout Regime. Yesterday I found some and was trying them on... I almost had a meltdown in the change room! Sidenote: got a great Nike swimsuit at Winners for $24.99! It hit me like a ton of bricks... it's time. Game on. The Staleman 30 has got to go!

Here's my game plan:

1. Stop eating crap
2. Run 3-4 times per week
3. Swim 1-2 times per week

Tis all. If I plan too much, it's easier to say screw it. Also, here's some great insight from Andrea Holwegner, a few tips to get the ball rolling in 2011.

Showtime. (right after I finish this glass of wine...)

45 Lessons In Life by Regina Brett

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Sometimes it's just not meant to be...

When you are a woman and you hit that certain age, you start to look at your life through a different pair of shades. My friends and I often talk about the future - work, men, kids, etc. But sometimes you have that friend or two that bases their entire being and their entire outlook on what's to come on being with someone. Having a partner. Invitations no longer saying "you plus guest."

Here's an interesting article I came across on MSN.com

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=24682705&GT1=32023

Seven Surprising Signs He'll Never Marry You
The tricky thing about womanizers is that they usually have their game down pat, which means it's easy to get sucked in. Here are some of the subtle clues a guy has a case of commitment phobia. If he exhibits three or more of these, watch out.

By Niki Evans

1. All of His Exes Are "Crazy"

Be wary of a man who refers to his former girlfriends as crazy, psycho, or clingy — because what's the common denominator here? Him. The dude's either looney-bin glue, or he never really wanted the relationship to work in the first place.

2. He Plans Ultra-Romantic Dates

A cozy candlelit dinner is nice and all, but if he only takes you to secluded places, it could be a tip-off that he doesn't want other women to spot him on a date. Next time he asks you out, suggest hitting up a busy restaurant or popular bar and see how he reacts.

3. He's Hot and Cold on the Phone

He'll text you 10 times in a night, then go MIA for days. He'll chat on the phone for an hour, then ignore your messages for the rest of the week. Wondering what the heck is going on? We're going to be brutally honest: He's mostly likely busy dating other women.

4. He Guilt-Trips You

It's normal for a guy to be jonesing to sleep with you from day one. But this behavior is a red flag if he a) lays the pressure on thick, or b) tries to make you feel bad if you choose not to get physical — like by giving you a sob story about how worked up he is without the release of sex.

5. Stuff Is Missing from His Facebook Profile

Has he untagged any photos of you and him? Does he post updates often, yet never mention hanging out with you? Is his relationship status hidden? We smell a rat. A guy who's leery of commitment will make sure there are no traces of you on his page.

6. His Buddies Act Distant

Even though a player's bros may be friendly enough, they probably won't ask you many personal questions about your job, interests, etc. The ugly truth: They don't want to invest time and energy getting to know you because they figure you're not going to be around very long.

7. He Says You're Soul Mates

Okay, we adore the idea of love at first sight — but too much too soon could also indicate sketchy intentions. If a dude comes on super strong right off the bat (we're talking the first couple of weeks), telling you things like that he's starting to fall in love with you, just make sure you play it safe and trust your gut. Those powerful words might be rolling off his tongue so smoothly because he's spoken them so many times before.

SOURCES: William July, Ph.D., Author of Confessions of an Ex-Bachelor and Jenn Berman, Psy.D., Relationship Expert for Cosmo Radio.

I'm sure we can all check off at least two of the seven insights above. Ladies... as Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo once said... He's just not that into you.