My wobbly bits

I am part of the 99 per cent of the female population that is unsatisfied about their weight and notoriously complain about it without even a smidgen of intent of doing something to fix it. As of tomorrow - all this will change.

Just to give you some background information about me: I weigh roughly a few tonnes and am way taller than what is considered the norm. I have this fantastic two piece bathing suit I got at American Eagle a while back, that I proudly wore in the summertime. I had no problem ignoring the numerous amounts of rolls peeking out here and there. My wobbly bits were on full display all summer (all wobblies EXCEPT for my boobies, of course, because when everything else has miraculously expanded, THOSE never seem to grow!) I had no problem ignoring them, because I see them everyday, but I pity all those innocent individuals that were exposed to my extreme hotness...

This summer the two piece is coming out again! Xnay the wobbly bits!! You see, I have two problems... one: I get bored fairly easy with workouts, so I need an incredible variety, or I just choose to sleep instead; and two: I just freakin love food! I mean, french fries! Bacon double cheese burgers! Chicken wings! Just roll me around in a tub of grease and I'll be happy! oh and BEER!! Sweet Jesus! this is why my bikinis go through so much... all the stretching and all the pinching.

Since I have given up on my dream of being a professional beach volleyball player, a latin dancer and a surfer (ideally all at the same time) - as of tomorrow, I will be on South Beach. The diet, of course. Say good bye to freshly baked bread, to devouring six granola bars at my desk - all before my noon cigarette break. And to my new friend, the hot dog vendor at Bloor and Spadina. From now on, I will eat vegetables, think of vegetables and smell like vegetables.

And of course you, my lucky readers, will get to read all about my never-ending quest to lose that last five (OK 20) lbs. And I would like to apologize ahead of time for all the bitching, whining and complaining, because why would someone in their right mind give up all the world's goodness that is junk food?

All in the name of that itsy bitsy two-piece that is waiting for me at the bottom of my dresser drawer. Now excuse me, I have to go make a beet and lettuce smoothie.